The Knocking - Poem
This poem expresses the journey of my relationship with Jesus during a very difficult season. Even when I wanted to hide, He still gently beckoned me closer to His heart.
I know that I was made for more
But here I am on the floor
With rivers of tears flowing down my cheeks
I've always known I was a girl who seeks
I seek, but I can't seem to find
Will this brokenness ever leave my heart?
Will this fog ever leave my mind?
Surely, I'm not just the girl who's blind
No, I am redefined
One of a kind
Purposefully designed
Yet, I can't seem to escape these chains that bind
My Father says that I'm His daughter
But this here clay doesn't always understand her Potter
I'm never satisfied
But I need to rest
I feel so much stress
Sometimes it's hard to accept God's best
Being content with where I am
That's a concept I can't quite understand
Oh, I need to measure up
I tell myself I'm not good enough
I haven't accomplished all this stuff
This state of living is very rough
I try so hard to keep the storms in me at bay
Can someone get me out of this gray?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, they say.
But sometimes I'm just not okay
Jesus continues to knock
But the thought of Him looking inside
Makes me want to run and hide
I'm still a bit scared
Will He like what I share?
He pulls up a chair
Lord, what's that… over there?
Afraid to receive His love
I control our conversation
It seems like a one-way street
Why are fearful thoughts on repeat?
He'll talk to me soon
Jesus, don't come into my room
This tension, I hate it
Lord, just take it!
I try to let my walls fall like Jericho
But I rebuild them for fear of letting go
I'm trapped in the wilderness
Lord, get me out of this!
Slow down
Relationships take time
Though I can't feel it
I'm still connected to the Vine
Instead of floating in the intimate sea
I feel like it's drowning me
He already knows I want my vision
But I'm too afraid to behold His incision
Wrong thoughts of the Healer break my heart
Can we please go back to the start
Before I fell apart
But if we did, we wouldn't have this work of art
They say I walk by faith and not by sight
Perhaps they are quite right
But at times I'd rather believe my feelings
This can lead to some tricky dealings
All of my tears are not a waste
Even Jesus wept because of God's grace
Yes, there's a cost for knowing the love of the cross
At first this investment seems like a loss
But be patient, it takes time to get rid of the dross
Joy comes in the mourning
Through tears, fears and struggles that last even years
Present suffering produces future glory
Wow, my Father knows how to write a redemption story!
He says, "Come with Me,
I'll show you who you're created to be
To the door of your heart
I've got the key
But please let me in and dine with Me."
Soon you'll run wild
Unashamed to be His child
So hang on tight
He'll turn your darkness into light
Faith is worth the fight
In the end you'll be alright
You were made for so much more
Give Jesus your heart and open the door!